NOTE: If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one or would like emotional support, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling or texting 988.
As a dad, husband and son, Brad Howard said it was traumatizing to tell everyone in his family that his son, Jay, had died by suicide, which felt like delivering “a sucker punch.” The response was touching: People brought more food than they needed, showed emotional support and talked about their own losses.
“Suicide is like a club that no one wants to be in,” he said “[People] want to help because, sadly, they can imagine it for themselves.”
Brad and his wife, deep in their grief, were consumed by the question of why it happened.
“In the end, we just felt like it was unanswerable, you know? And that's the pain behind it, you know? That's the pain if you could, he could have just made a call to us, and, you know, we would have done anything to help him. But you just can't get past the why. You may think you answer it, but then there's another why, and it's just a terrible maze to be in,” he said.
Grief came in waves for the family. Howard said, one minute, he’d be driving along, fine. Then a song or a phone call would wash over him like an unpredictable tide, and he would pull over to sit with his pain and cry.
“First, you sit on your couch for four or five days and stare out the window, and you don't change clothes, you stare out and you look for something to grab upon. You look for some sort of answer in this,” he said.
Howard said he likes to solve problems creatively. He thought helping others prevent suicides could help him cope.
So, he got off his couch.
The coffee idea
Howard decided to pay tribute to his late son by pursuing a coffee venture, because the family had once discussed doing something like that together. He called it Brotherwood Coffee, a name coined by his younger son, Luke.
He worked with Mike Mays, the owner of Heine Brothers Coffee and his longtime friend, to develop a single origin coffee — a medium roast with notes of milk chocolate, brown sugar, nougat and almond.
Howard said they’ve sold over 800 bags since June and are planning to donate all proceeds to suicide prevention and mental health awareness programs, which they’re working to identify, he said.
Brotherwood’s logo includes a moose, Luke’s favorite animal.
“Moose are secretive. They're very selective on being found, and they're huge. And that's kind of like suicide prevention, mental health awareness, you know, it's there. It's huge. It's a problem, and sometimes it goes unseen,” Howard said.
The Howards started setting up Brotherwood Coffee booths at events and got a 501c(3) nonprofit certification for the foundation. In early September, during National Suicide Prevention Month, they held a fundraiser in collaboration with the University of Louisville athletics department.
For Howard, who works in advertising, Brotherwood isn’t just about coffee, it’s about having conversations about mental health.
“You know, it's okay to talk about tough stuff over coffee or a muffin,” he said.
For now, Brotherwood is selling its signature bag of coffee. Howard envisions a future that includes providing suicide prevention and mental health resources.
Howard said he’s also expressed interest in supporting suicide prevention programs on college campuses, specifically at the University of Louisville and Western Kentucky University.
While getting to that point may be a ways off, Howard is starting with setting up his coffee booth at events and engaging customers in conversations about suicide prevention.
How to help prevent suicide
The latest 2022 data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed suicide was the second leading cause of death among both 10-to-24-year-olds and 25-to-34-year-olds. Suicide is the 13th leading cause of death in Kentucky, according to the CDC.
One of the biggest myths is that there’s a single reason a person chose to end their life, said Amanda Villaveces, therapist and founding director of Mental Health Lou, a collaboration of mental health professionals, nonprofit community groups and agencies to promote mental health resources.
“It is important to recognize that a lot of times it is a [combination] of stressors,” she said. “Maybe there's job loss, and then there's depression, and then there's also financial factors.”
Villaveces warned against assuming someone who mentions suicide is seeking attention.
“Any mention of suicide should be taken seriously, because, you know, even if that person maybe isn't serious about it, the fact that they are talking about suicide is just an indicator that there are some deeper needs that that person might have,” she said.
Villaveces also said it’s important to normalize discussions around suicide. Talking about it saves lives, as uncomfortable as it might be. For friends or family members who are nervous or worried about how to talk to a person in crisis, The National Alliance for Mental Illness has a guide and also provides information on warning signs.
For people who want to talk about their suicidal feelings or ideation, The Jed Foundation, a nonprofit focused on teens and young adult, offers tips how to bring up the subject to loved ones.
“By being a good listener, what you're doing is you're creating space. You're creating time that can help that individual maybe kind of come down a little bit from some of those really big feelings,” Villaveces said.
She said it’s important for parents to check in on their children and open lines to encourage emotional conversation. A simple, “How are you doing?” and being available for the child can make a difference.
“Of course, you're going to have big feelings about this as a parent. You care about your kid. You're going to have anxiety about it. You're going to worry about them, but [try] to be there without judgment as much as possible, try to be there without kind of trying to talk them out of something, and try to just be a good listener,” she said.
Removing the stigma around suicide comes down to communities and mental health training for individuals as well, Villaveces said. The Kentucky Department of Education provides Youth Mental Health First Aid Training, a six-hour certification course that teaches how to identify, understand and respond to signs of mental illnesses and substance use disorders.
People can also take Question, Persuade and Refer, or QPR, training. QPR can help people recognize early warning signs of suicide, ask a person in crisis about whether they’re having suicidal thoughts and feelings, and provide referrals to local resources, which is a critical part of QPR. Professionals say QPR is like CPR for suicide prevention, and that anyone can learn it. People and organizations can sign up for a one-hour online training at the QPR Institute’s official website for $30. The University of Kentucky’s Healthy Kentucky Initiative is also offering free virtual QPR Training for 10,000 Kentucky residents.
Resources to help people in crisis:
Crisis Text Line, 24/7 support
- Text “HOME” or “LOU” to 741741
- 24/7 adult crisis line: (502) 589-4313
- 24/7 child crisis line: (502) 589-8070
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
- Call or text 988
- Support for LGBTQ+ youth: (866) 488-7386
For people who have lost a loved one to suicide:
First Hour Grief Response offers grief counseling, mentorship and workshops, as well as support groups in Louisville.
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors has information on support groups across Kentucky.
Hosparus Health Grief Counseling Center offers grief counseling services on a sliding scale and provides financial assistance for clients in need in Kentucky. There’s no fee for support groups.
Samaritans offers both virtual and in-person meetings for suicide loss survivors.
